Now enjoy, and excuse me while I go to my boyfriends for my weekly slice of pizza and a wonderfully festive Christmas movie. 

Eat what I queue, not what I do! 

Pros : I am less inclined to eat it. ever again. I feel really sick right now, tbh. 

Cons : Pizza does not taste good anymore. what’s next… french fries?! 

I am supposed to enjoy my cheat meal.
No more pizza for me.
nope nope. 

I don’t sit down and eat an entire pizza and a box of cookies in one sitting then hate my life. 

My downfall is that I will say… “Oh I can have a slice of pizza” on Monday. Then Tuesday rolls around, it starts snowing, and I say “Oh but its snowing, I have to have a cookie and hot chocolate to celebrate!”. Then, hello Wendesday, and “My sister made egg rolls! I’ll have two…can’t forget the plum sauce!” Thursday rolls around… “Aw, what is one order of fries going to hurt?” and Friday… “Yeah, I went for a walk, I can have a bowl of ice cream after dinner”. 

etcetera.

No 1300 calorie binge one day out of the week….  just 7 different 500 calorie treats spread through the course of the week.

most of this is referring to my past… I have been so much better over the last month and a half. 
 
I am the queen of excuses. Of celebrating with food. My whole family celebrates with food. We host get-togethers because of the menu. 

I am so glad to be putting this behind me.

I don’t want to need food to celebrate.  

•Lovely walk after dark to the local coffee shop
•Enjoying the christmas cups
•Editing piles of photographs (piles, I tell you)
•ESCAPING THE REALITY THAT IS MY HOME.

My mother told me today that I can only come to her with problems that are OUTSIDE of the home/family entirely. 
My mother basically told me that I cannot have that deep of a relationship with her.
I cannot confide/seek advice from my own mother, unless it is COMPLETELY UNRELATED to anyone/anything in the house/family.
Quite frankly, I don’t want any advice from her anymore, if that is how she feels.  

That is how my body is composed… when I am at a lower weight, like when I used to be ~136, my boobs are gone while the rest of me is still bigger… making me feel larger than I was.
I am scared that I will never really feel thinner/as attractive as I am hoping because compared to my boobs I won’t look it. 
I like my boobs just as they are now. I don’t want them to go away. 

fuckyeahfitspiration:

Truer words have never been spoken.

This is why I buy big flowy “Genie” pants that are big enough to come up to my boobs. I could swim in them all day, and not complain. 

This is going to be a long-arse post. 

OK. A little history on my cuz. She is only a couple months older than me, but I grew up extremely shy and quiet. She is the opposite of that, has a smokin’ body, 23984729384 siblings, and is generally like my big sister and best friend and spiritual accountability partner all in one. But we don’t see each other too often. There was a point where we went nearly a year… but now it ranges from 2 weeks to 3 months. Regardless, we always hop right back on track.

OK. A little history on this place.
My cousin and I came here when we were 17 and learned that we were to young to even get in. (All we wanted was food!) She had eaten the fries before and said they were awesome. 

(I don’t turn down good fries). 

So we came back when we were 19, and that became our place to have a date every several months (we don’t hang out enough. 

Then, going to school in the city and all, I ate here once a week, every week, since last November. Every Friday, by myself, before a 3 hour coffee date, by myself.
Then a friend or two would join me every couple of weeks.
Then the day was switched to Tuesday, and I always had 3 girls join me.  

But do you want to know the most interesting part??

That really makes this story worthwhile?

EVERY SINGLE TIME I ENTER THIS RESTAURANT I ORDER THE EXACT SAME THING.
Californiawrapnocheesewithfriesandicewaterwithlemonpleaseandthankyou!

I couldn’t tell you about anything else on the menu, except that this meal became a ritual for me every week of the last 12 months of my life. So needless to say, when it has been a couple of weeks month since I last attended, it thrills me beyond measure to be invited into the city (this is a 40 minute bus ride folks) to 1)see my cousin, and 2)eat this delicious wrap.

-Whole Wheat wrap 
-Chicken 
-(I ask for no cheese) 
-Mayo (which I should also omit, I will in the future) 
-Guacamole (thebestfreakingpart)
-Lettuce & Tomato. 
PUT ON THE GRILL just for that extra hot toasty yumminess. 

The fries aren’t super greasy at all either, they are HUGE cut (beefsteak or beefeater or whatever they are caled), and far more potato to them than grease.
Ok. I am obviously grasping at straws here. Fries = not healthy no matter how hard I try.

Regardless. I went to her place for the night and am kicking myself because not only did I go pork on restaurant food and eat a piece of cake at her house after a drink, but I also didn’t get to do day one of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred that I was planning on doing yesterday. 

Every day I think “OH today will be awesome” something happens like this and I get so caught up in the spontaneity of the moment that exercise/health doesn’t become my #1 priority anymore. 

Aaaargh.